Everything we do, and everything we have, comes through the activities of people. If this is true, then we should be better than we are with our relationships. With so much practice, you’d think that we would be better at our human encounters.
Over the years I’ve noticed that everyone suffers from the same human condition. Some more than others, but all of us have the same disease. I call it, Big Shot Syndrome. That’s the condition where we show off to people in hopes of gaining new friends or impressing them. The problem is, it seldom works.
Step 1 to goof up your relationships
You see, we all have a deep seated need to be liked. To provide this to ourselves, we think we need to impress folks. It shows up in our conversations. A friend will begin telling us about their day, and instead of listening, encouraging or offering compassion, we butt in and say something like, “You should hear what happened to me!”
It matters not whether a person is speaking about happy events or sad events, we interrupt them with how our lives are better or worse than theirs. Oh stand back if we talk about our children!!
So, to goof up any relationship, talk about yourselves more than you listen to them. It shows how much you don’t really care about what’s happening in their lives. It will show how little you really think of this friend or family member, after all, you’re better than them.
The 1 rule that can save your relationships……….
…….and make them like you. To fix this problem, I will offer you a simple single rule that can save any relationship, let people think you care AND it will make them LIKE you, which is the very desire from the beginning.
The Platinum rule
You’ve heard of the golden rule, do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but this is often misinterpreted to mean, do unto others AS they have done unto you. We treat others the way they treat us. Another way this is misinterpreted is by thinking, “I will do unto people what I don’t mind having done unto me.” This never wins friends, it just makes people annoyed.
I recommend, as do the scriptures, that we “Esteem others better than self.” Phil 2:3 The whole passage says this….
Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. Php 2:3 KJV
Think about it, when we avoid strife, vainglory (bragging), with humility in our hearts, interacting with people by thinking more of them than we do ourselves, they LOVE it. You do to, that’s why you’ve been trying to get it through your bragging!
Here’s how it looks in a conversation, our friend is telling us about their day, life, kid whatever. How do we use the platinum rule? We shut our mouths and LISTEN. That’s it. Simple. Just listen. Then, and this is the advanced instruction, ASK ABOUT THEM!
When we listen, or ask about them, without selfish commentary, people will suddenly, instantly think more highly of you. They’re gonna like you. People are going to want to be around you, they’re gonna want to get to know you. It’s almost like magic!
Why does this work?
I told you before, folks just want to be liked. They want to feel included. When we allow that to happen for them, you’re giving them a gift that satisfies one of their basic psychological needs. Then, they attach that feeling of satisfaction to the person that gave it to them, YOU. Try it. More magic than I can describe here will happen for you.
Do you want more friends? Be one.
Do you want a happy spouse? Be a happy one.
Do you want great service at restaurants? Be a great customer.
The reason we don’t GET what we WANT out of relationships, is because we don’t GIVE what we CAN.
Ask me how to make your calling and election sure. 2Pet 1:10